What Not to Wear, Polyvore Style

So I thought I'd play around with Polyvore this morning, for lack of much coherency to do ought else, and it occurred to me that most people design looks that they wish they could afford.  So I decided to design a look that I simply can't see anybody pulling off.  And I will say from the start: for most attire, there is always somebody out there who can, indeed, rock it.  If anybody can make any of this look good, I'd like to shake their hand.

what not to wear by sheara121 featuring Marc Jacobs jackets

Let's start with the centerpiece.  It appears as if it's supposed to be a dress of some sort, but the fabric selection and haphazard  piecing together seems terribly unappealing.  Definitely not worth the $1350 they're asking.

The smaller dress to the left looks like a splatter of paint on what used to be a pattern of fireworks.  I'm simply not feeling it.


The jacket.  You'd have to be extra-special to carry this one, which is about the politest thing I can muster the courage to say.  


The belt just screams "Talk to me, please, somebody!  Why else would I be wearing this?"


The shoes, ditto.  Either that or classy hooker shoes, I can't decide.


And the ring.  Working retail has put me into contact with all sorts of people, many of whom would adore this ring and wear it proudly.  But still, it simply says to me that this person needs attention, not that they have any sort of actual style sense.


So there you have it.  Style advice in an incoherent manner from Three Cat Night.